Saturday, February 16, 2008

A Bad Year

















Note: I normally try to keep this blog from being too personal. Kloe wants to talk about teaching and art and politics. But sometimes my life cries out to be explained a bit. So don’t read this if you just want to think of me as a cute doll in SoCal… or maybe it is comforting to know that Kloe, as perky and privileged as she is, also has bad, terrible years?

When I was a young Kloe, I thought each year was better than the last. So being 10 years old was better than being 9, 17 was definitely better than 16, it was better to be in college than high school, better to be a senior than a freshman, better to be married, better to be a mom, etc. I’m normally quite optimistic.
But this year, the last 12 to 14 months, has not been better. It has, in fact, been a year of tremendous loss, with very few gains. My prestigious grant in Turkey finished, where I was a faculty member with a big studio-office, and I returned to my role as an adjunct living out of her car. I miss my hard-won friends in Turkey, and realize I must work on my friendships here. I have lost my gram, one of the most important figures in my life.
But mostly I have lost love. My lost loves suffer me heavy grief, I almost can’t cope. I know this time will pass, and I’ll be happy again. But my naive idea that life continues to get better is obliterated, although it had a good, long run.

3 comments:

janelp said...

Kloe, I'm sorry for you right now. Loss is hard and you have had too many for one year. It's so hard to experience a life that is exciting and full and new and different-one which offers a whole new concept of life and then leave it. I think that you will be OK though because you are strong and will seek new things and new experiences.

Expat^Square said...

Kloe,

You are going through a difficult time. Two big changes in your life recently.

You will be fine at the end, because you are not only aware of the difficulties of these times but you also have the self-confidence to voice them to the worldwide audience you have here.

Keep your chin up! Everyone's career has ups and downs like a rollercoaster. What matters is not how low you go down, but how fast and how high you rise up from the low.

You will be fine, Kloe. Just a little bit more patience and strength are all you need at this time.

Expat^Square
(reporting live from Izmir)

kloeamongtheturks said...

Dear Friends,
Thanks so much for your kind thoughts. I'm doing better. I know that everyone experiences hard times, and now it's my turn.

I know in most ways I've been very, very lucky, and am thankful!

Please take care,
with love,
Kloe