P A I N

From my ear, jaw, temple, crown or base of my head.
Visualizing my new painting, much bigger than I’ve painted before. A huge nude, lying back on her arms, but she feels like she’s flying. I’m thinking about the next layer of paint, how juicy I want the whites to be, with drips and blobs.
Throbbing, ringing.
Listening to Correlli, Vaughn Williams, Glass, and Kid.02’s chatter-laughter. Doctors told me today my hearing might be affected. I hope they meant temporarily.
Still sometimes, moving sometimes.
Thinking about some big dragon trees I know in the park at home, 100 years old, with Dr. Suess trunks supported by cables, sculptural. And my little dragon tree in my garden, I hope the gophers don’t get the roots again, Jesus is taking care of it.
A spear pierced through my skull.
A huge piece of baklava is waiting for me in the fridge. It’s probably 1500 calories, and pistachio, not walnut. Getting yelled at from all sides to force myself to eat.
So many people live with constant pain. How do they do it?
Imagining a soft touch on my shoulders, sweet smells, lovely murmurings, a fairy godmother protecting me.