Kadir asked about my experiences in developing friends, so here you go:
In Turkey, you can have many arkadaslar (friends), but you have a few dostlar (friends for life, almost brothers/sisters). A dost can be from childhood, because you go to school with the same group from first to fifth grade (see how these kids are holding eachother?), or from later in high school or at university. But dostlar are friends for life.
So how does an expat like me fit into this scene? It’s difficult to get close to people because they already have such a tightly knit group of friends. Turks are very helpful and generous, but it takes time to really know them. Turks also seem to be shy of inviting me to their homes (perhaps because they think the “rich” American will judge their apartments? or because they live with extended family? I don’t know…)
I have had to consciously work to develop relationships in Turkey, and it’s been a big priority for me, because I depend heavily on friendships at home. An artist’s work is solitary, and I need friends to talk to and share with. Part of my struggle and depression earlier in the year was due to the fact of having no support network.
And, as a woman, I still don’t understand having male Turkish friends.
5 comments:
Thank you very much for the post & picture :)
I agree with the dost observation, the tightly knit friends. Also, I guess since Turkish culture is relatively conformistic, we tend to reveal our funny/peculiar sides only when there's a bond :)
It's very nice to hear that now you have good friends, always so hard in a foreign culture.
best regards!
kadir
Thank YOU,
and you're welcome.
K
Kloe. I've been wanting to post a comment on your blog for months; it's wonderful. Thanks for posting often and for being so honest throughout. I'm also an expat in Turkey and often find that your observations about this place match mine - and admittedly, that's very comforting! Don't leave!! Who's blog will I follow so closely? All the best and thanks again. -Evelyn
Dear Evelyn,
I didn't remove your comment, on the contrary, your comment means so much to me! Thank you so much!
Being here has been both so wonderful and so terribly hard, it has changed my life.
Thank you for reading and best wishes for your continued success and happiness in Turkey.
love,
Kloe
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