Haystack

I’ve lost the thread of this blog a bit. Does that mean I’ve lost the design of my own life?
I want to talk about how hard it is to get my work out there, the age-old problem of the artist. I am so frustrated at my lack of success. I work, I paint, I teach, and yet I have no tenured job, I rarely show, I never sell my work outside of my gallery in Turkey. I am almost always rejected from shows I enter.
In the past artists had patronage, an aristocrat or the Church. My patrons, my fallback, has been my parents. But it makes me feel like a failure, that in my mid 40s I cannot support myself; that I’m extremely accomplished, but can’t make it.
I’ve decided to rent a studio down the hall from my friend for another month. Can’t afford it, but am hoping more time in a professional space will be worth it. A collector may visit me, and a gallerist, and I can hardly have these people visit my garage, wading through rusted bikes and moldy couches. I need a break, like thousand upon thousands of other artists out there right now.